F@l3Ks WiNgZ

381st post, goodbye (:

2008-09-21T10:18:00.000-07:00

After various considerations and lagging by blogger, i've decided to shift to a new blog which has been sitting untouched for months.

Saviourslove.wordpress.com.

The new wordpress revolution yeah but in new things come new blessings and new anticipations.(:

Goodbye blog of 5 years (:
Thank you for the memories maybe i'll be back to visit.

cale(:

2008-09-10T09:21:00.000-07:00

The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by."
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"

- 1 Kings 19: 11-13

Its the night before your birthday. And you can't really sleep.
You're thinking about the presents, the party, the friends and everyone that'll be with you on that happy day. That anticipation of something great that is about to happen.

That's how i feel. Just a fraction. Except add in a little fear, a little excitement and a little surprise.

I keep feeling that God is just right about to move. Anytime, anywhere. Like a thief in the night. IN the most unknowing moment.

And i just can't help feeling a tad bit unprepared. It could come! ANYTIME. EVEN right now!
Something great is about to happen! Something great is about to happen!

I can't help but cry out tonight , Father don't pass me by! Elijah stood through the earthquake, wind and fire, and listened to that gentle whisper.

Can I quieten down my heart to hear it? Because God is about to move his hand in the harvest. God is about to move in the hearts of people to grow and mature people. God is about to raise up leaders and shepherds of his flock. 7 years of harvest. About to begin.

Am i ready?
Honestly, i don't know. Because i don't know how much more powerfully can God move.
But God is my provider, He will make a way.

I only can lift up my camp to you, lift up my sheep to you, lift up my caregroup to you, life up my family to you and lift up my life to you.

Because when i do i come closer to you, to hear your will.

Past the roaring gale, the earsplitting earthquake and burst of fire, Father i will listen out to your gentle whisper. Because its the most powerful of all.

The nudging of the spirit is moving and this scripture stepped out of the pages of the bible today.

Because Elijah waited patiently and stepped out of the hole, naturally without a second thought of which of these amazing things was God in. I couldn't help but ask, God could i know if i were in Elijah's shoes? I couldn't find my answer, so all i can do is cry out that God you will show me when you pass by! And to share this spirit with all of you, because when the amazing things come.
The nets of the fishers of men will be full!

Its just around the corner!

my left ear is still pressure blocked yikes!

2008-09-08T10:56:00.000-07:00

Just a fast post before to plonk on my dear bed (:

finally back from HK after a fruitful, spirit nourishing and physically tiring LC!
it was such an amazing time of learning and absorbing our vision and meeting God (:

10 randomly small tid bits before a longer post :
1. Every meal was a game, "catch-the-pastor-before-he-gets-booked"!
2. Ocean Park wasn't very oceanny but the rollercoasters was insane (:
3. the HK brothers and sister were AMAZING Hosts !
4. dim sum, zhu chang fen, century egg porridge, po lo bao, la mian, TEH BING....
5. shop till you drop
6. catch indegenous chicken at kfc while learning to be an indegenous church in an indegenous culture ( that is some indegenous phrasing...)
7. 238 in 2-0-1-5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8. Do you know how to say the sinner's prayer?
9. Will the true MEN of God please stand up!
10. God is AMAZING!! THE GC WILL BE ACCOMPLISHED!!!

till tmr or sometime...
good nite!

2008-08-14T18:17:00.000-07:00

I see the little struggling figure and i admire the spirit.
I'm praying for you so jiayou jiayou jiayou (:
I don't think you read this blog but i'm so proud of you (:
God will work great things in you as well as your group.

BTT in a few hours and i'm not really sure why i'm posting!
Maybe coz i'm a little nervous (:

But its in God's hands (:

2008-08-14T06:40:00.000-07:00

I think i've always known this and maybe everyone knows this.
But i just felt like blogging it down today.

The greatest pleasure in growing a person is not seeing what you get in the end.
Not about glorifying yourself.
Not about getting something in return.
But simply watching him or her grow. (:

The joy is whoopyliciously incredible (:
I just made that word up (:

But you know, when these people are grown something even more incredible grows and its EVEN MORE joyful watching it grow.

The kingdom of heaven starts as small as a mustard seed but will grow into the largest of all trees.

Because God loves people and God wants to grow people (: in his love, grace, mercy, joy, peace, patience kindness, goodness, faithfulness and every single good fruit of his character.

And the world is made a better place while more people get to know the goodness and love of Christ (:

I think i'm getting excited (:
God you make the simplest truths the most exciting ones so let us be your harvestors, your shepherds, your babysitters, and most imptly your imitators (:
That's a lot to ask but if i don't ask i can't receive!
So thank you God in advance!

IN Jesus name
Amen.

-- Cale (:

BTT in 3 days and a wonderful pool day (:

2008-08-12T01:00:00.000-07:00

The pool is slowly turning into one of the most biblical grounds ever.:P

+[ 2 Corinthians 5:7]

" We live by faith and not by sight."

Man has the irresistible urge to live by sight contrary to the popular slogan, " Seeing is believing." But God like He always is, gives man the greatest challenges. Live by faith and not by sight.

But i think now that actually living by faith instead of living by sight may very much be easier. A revelation that floated into my thoughts as my brain disengaged itself from the occasional splish-splosh of the pool and the muted silence beneath the azure waters.

Ever ran a race or swam a distance soooooooooooooo, sooooooooooo, soooooo very long that you wish you could just give up on the spot and say, " Forget it, i'm never gonna make it." or wish you could just die on the spot. It sure felt like that when i first swam with goggles today.

The laps seemed to number so slowly as i stared through the murky water towards the other end of the pool. Not to mention that my sight continually misted, which annoyed me to no end.
Then i tossed the goggles aside and just swam. Every time i touched a wall, it felt indescribably satisfying and laps and time just flew.

Maybe living with faith works the same way.

Sight limits faith.
Because we tend to judge how much we can achieve.

Simply put,

Sight leads to : human effort + human expectation = human results
Faith leads to : human effort + miracle-sized expectation + God's work = unlimited possibilities and results

God didn't want us to limit our own potential, he wanted us to live out our fullest.
With the little faith and the little effort we have achieve more.

Small is the NEW Big.

+ [ Matt 17:20b]
" I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

Let start to move our mountains (:
I wanna move mine real soon :D

2008-08-10T08:49:00.000-07:00

Everyone has dreams, ambitions, aspirations and hopes.

Flying off somewhere to study something.
Scaling a new height.
Gaining a gold, silver or bronze medal at a competition.

What happens to the goalless and the sightless?

More often than not i look at the trivial and materialistic things i chase for... a new computer or a new mp3, how about a certificate? The eternal search for the right course and the right area of study. Not knowing but constantly worrying. I reckon the urge to worry ostensibly seems to be a primal reaction to me.

But what does it all matter?
Am i truly doing these things because i love it or because the world deems it to be desirable such that it enraptures my thoughts to be an alluring choice?

God all i need now is a little more of your wisdom.
A little more of your love.
A little more of Your presence.

Because seeking it on my own accord, brings no reward.
But when you seek it with me, i know my paths are made straight in Your precious name.
Even if i seek what seems to be a worthless choice, where its not recognised by the world, and people deem it pathetic, does it matter if it has the approval from You who made the weak and the strong, who seek to anoint the humble and fell the strong?

I need to set my eyes solely on You once again.

Not anymore on the decisions i want.

As Peter inquired, " Father, if you will" as He stepped onto the pristine lake of galilee.
So i hope to make the same.

Father if you will, let my footsteps be within Yours which have paved my way. For you light a lamp onto my feet and have made my paths straight before me.

Proverbs 3:5-6
" Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding,
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and He will make your paths straight."

2008-08-08T08:21:00.000-07:00

Time flows on.

In the eternal scheme of things, who am i?
Nothing but a bygone memory, come and gone with time and dust.
But if we work in the name of Jesus Christ,
we live in his eternal salvation, for an eternal purpose, contributing to an eternal cause to bring more people into the Kingdom where God's love and joy fills up the emptiness.

If we focus on stumbling, we will stumble.
If we focus on the goodness that eventually will come, we will simply use every stumbling block as a stepping stone.

"Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and i dwell in the house of the Lord forever."

Psalm 23:6

2008-07-30T00:12:00.000-07:00

Matt 5:14,16

" You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."

I think being the "light" to your friends is already kind of difficult sometimes but He calls us to be a light OF THE WORLD. How intimidating does that sound?

err.. very?

How do i lead my life with that conviction and surety that i can lead it with a righteousness that shines and love which abounds to the people around me when i'm so imperfect? Sometimes i think its scary if people use little old sinful me to measure God's reputation. I'm simply not worthy.

But then, i'm greatly comforted by God's promise and grace for us and that He'll surely provide for us if He called us to be so.

Romans 4:17b
"He is our father in the sight of God, in whom he believed—the God who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were."

I'll always be his "work-in-progress".
And I'll be forgiven in the face of wrong decisions even though i may have to pay for the mistakes.
I'll always have someone at my back.
I'll always have someone who sees me " not as though i were."
That someone's name is Jesus.
And i'm thankful because He has set these hopes for me not because he wants to stress me or make me so nice that its fake.
But he truly believes that i will be able to live up to this promise.
This faith in me i'm not worthy of.

But because of his sacrifice, i can live this life of freedom and i rather live for Him.

Thank you for Your Grace and Mercy Jesus (: and i know you'll provide for me and be with me through this process.

I really want to live not only as a righteous man of God but to live out this value placed in my life.

NS Core Value
2. I will carry the message of the Cross

WITH MY LIFE! (:
And with all i have.

Amen (:
-- Cale (:

2008-07-27T09:20:00.000-07:00

"But John tried to deter him, saying," I need to be baptized by you, and do you come to me?"
Jesus replied,
" Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do this to fulfill all righteousness."

right·eous [rahy-chuhs] Pronunciation Key –adjective

1.	characterized by uprightness or morality: a righteous observance of the law.

2.	morally right or justifiable: righteous indignation.

3.	acting in an upright, moral way; virtuous: a righteous and godly person.

4.	Slang. absolutely genuine or wonderful: some righteous playing by a jazz great.

–noun

We usually see righteous from the meaning of the first 3 but i think it isn't accurate enough.

The Hebrew word for righteousness is tseh'-dek, tzedek, which comes from the root of upright, just, straight, innocent, true, sincere.

Why did Jesus submit to John when He had all authority? He is God. But He found it proper to be baptised by one lower than He is. But the amazing thing is Jesus accepted it. He treasured it above his stature. He respected John's authority instead of bringing in who he is.

Humility for the sake of righteousness.

I think i learnt a beautiful thing from this simple verse which caught me wondering and wondering. God cannot deny who He is and He treasures righteousness above Himself. I think that's a great comfort to me coz i know my God is not a God of whims who will conjure up random things coz he feels bu shuang! :P But it amazes me how Jesus humbles himself to live by righteousness despite everything else.

Righteousness is not simply just a set of morals or "doing what's right". because what is "right" is determined by Man. Who determines the ultimate values of "right"? And what is "right" in the first place?

I love Ms Shiang's definition of righteousness.

Christ-likeness or to live like Christ.

Because ultimately i know i'll never be able to put a word to being "right". But Jesus lived exactly how to live "right" without sin. And i think the person can express exactly what words can't.

And i hope to live like that.

After all, the NS Ministry's first Core Value:

1. I must live as a righteous man of God.

As i understand it better, i hope to be able to live it out as well. (:

Thank God for his provision today (:
Amen.

2008-07-07T07:20:00.000-07:00

I've decided to update after a long absence(:

NS vision night was fruitful watching people respond to the calling and to the mission that we have been commissioned to do. To reach out to souls in every single camp out there. Outreach isn't something we do because we want to or just because we should do it, but because it is our commission, our birthright and our primary mission.

What if the Great Commission comes to pass tmr?

My schedule has been hectic with duties increasing and NDP setting in. Its been quite an exhausting experience though its only the start of July, i'm already praying that it'll end soon haha(: But if there's one thing which really makes me smile, its that i know God is moving in this. That i know in this period is when God will grow me the most and that He will move the most powerfully in!! Its quite amazing! I'm looking fwd to see what will happen! Especially with a lot of special events happening within the NS ministry as well.

I thank God for our new brothers, Han Jun, Pengjie and Wayne (i think, woops:P) because they've been a huge encouragement to the ministry! As we strain towards our goal, i think i slowly see how our batch of NS guys slowly find our common ground and strain towards God's goal for us! I really can't wait to see the miracles that He has in store for us!

Quoting Han Yang, " To see a revival, we must first see a revival in our hearts."
I want to see that revival! For people to look for God and in this week, i thank God for how the Holy Spirit has moved in the people around me and also made me aware to certain things which i want to change in (: The more i look around my camp and hope in the Spirit, the more i see people needing god, seeking God even though they don't really know it! Even though God says that bringing people to know Him will be an uphill task, but he promises that in perseverence of this good work will we be victorious in Him and to bring the fight down below!

I may be weary physically but i'm truly excited for the things that are about to come. I really want to thank God for my shepherd, Ding Chuen that altho he lived thorough all my complainy moments and through the times when we differed in opinions, his support and advice has been invaluable. This West ministry will grow! I want to claim this by faith! Because i believe that in this time God wants us to start claiming promises and not doubting them!

I can't wait to see the miracles and wonderful things that God will do in the days to come because as i grow in faith, i do not doubt that God will be able to use me all the better as well as to let His perfect plan flow through.

Heh as you can see the randomness of this post explains itself (: but oh well, more next time (:

2008-06-23T09:24:00.000-07:00

1 Corinthians 3:10-11

" By the grace God has given me, i laid a foundation as an expert builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should be careful how he builds. For NO ONE can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ."

What do we follow?
To be a synergised church, we need one goal, one vision, one Word.
Don't focus on what you are not for but focus on what you are for.
I'm for that Commission and i really want to do it.
God i pray you bless me with not only words but with the courage and faith to do it.

This can come to pass in this generation (:
I pray for all my brothers in their camps! That they will be blessed with great promises from God and with an equally or more powerful conviction to win soldiers (:
Other than that, i look forward to nxt weekend when i can see them again (:
this NS ministry really feels (:

2008-06-14T09:06:00.000-07:00

Please move.

Father, please move in this camp.

Please move. Please move. Please move.

Because there are people that need you.

Only if you move and Your spirit moves, will we be able to move.

I really really want to thank You for your grace and mercy and i hope that others will see it too. That Your glory will spread through the whole room. Every person is owed the gospel coz You've given them all that second chance.

Please move oh Lord because I can't do this without You (:

Amen

2008-06-12T07:31:00.000-07:00

When did i stop saying " i want to win my camp!"?

When did my mind stop believing in it?

When did my faith waver?

Its scary. But i'm so glad to be reminded by it. By the calling of the Spirit, by the familiar challenges of Ps shirls and the horror and yet conviction at the importance of our Commission.

What if the Great Commission is going to come to pass in our lifetime? What if Jesus is coming back tommorow?

We have an abnormally short time to run this race. And there are so many souls out there yet to hear this gospel. This gospel which preaches a love unrivalled in this world. Black eyed peas sang a song questioning the presence of love in this world. Various pop stars shared their own selfish renditions of love. Sometimes corrupt.

I made a big mistake by losing my focus. In the first place, did i make a focus for myself to lose?
Its time to stop being reminded of my mission. That's my humongous flaw.

" When we mature, we ask God " how do you want us to serve?". But tonight God wants to ask you, "what would you have me do for you?""

I want to claim Your promise God. To be closer to You, to change lives, to impact people.
How i want to just be able to touch their hearts without any biased opinions or fearful thoughts, but just to reach out with the Heart of Jesus.

Can i say it and do it?
I was really encouraged by Shem and Wee Keong of their sharing and convictions and promises made. I really look forward to serving more and more beside them (: we want to make the miracles God says will come to pass. To live as a victorious generation and set standards that future generations will be strained to better.

For all my generation mates, i hope we'll live out a glorious generation for the glory of Christ, in response to the great Mercy that He has given us. This discontentment is slowly taking over my heart.

Here in your presence, we are undone,
Here in your presence, Heaven and Earth become one.

Wonderful, beautiful,
glorious, Matchless in every way.

That's how You are.

2008-05-30T05:44:00.000-07:00

Lucy: " I knew it was you all along, Aslan!"

Aslan: " Then why didn't you follow me?"

Lucy: " Because the rest... i was afraid to follow you i guess... You mean if i found you, all those people wouldn't have to die?"

Aslan: " What could've happened no one can say for certain, but what we can be certain is what will (now)."

What if i sought and found you, would they be where they are now?

Father... i just want to hope in you and be certain in You. That Your promises are still living in me with your Spirit...

I need You...
Amen

2008-05-27T09:59:00.000-07:00

I walk with God's grace and blessings everyday. (:

Had a wonderful time talking to aunty lee today after a long day of work (: through every single obstacle i've faced, i think she's been a really huge support to me so here's a huge SHOUTOUT to my brudda :P thanks for always putting in an extra dosage of encouragement into this friendship and into my life (: because i know how difficult it is to do it (: Thank you for always also giving indiscriminately a helping hand or an unknowning comforting presence when i needed it the most (:

Just some random thoughts after His many blessings:

Thank You God for being so gracious to me despite my sins an disappointments to you (:

Through the storms yet i will praise you.
through all things i know you've always worked for the best plan for my life.
Although i know its so hard for me to let go of controlling these things,
but really God when you take control i know its in safe hands.

Its so wonderful how you touches the deepest reaches of my soul (:
Because it reaches the innermost wounds and close them up without a trace (:

Thank you...
Cale (:

2008-05-23T09:40:00.000-07:00

Love.

Happens to be one of the most important words of my life which i spent a large part of my 19 years trying to find out about. I remember writing a post on love some time back and i just can't help but think of it again.

I had dinner with an old, old friend whom i haven't seen in about a year at least (: but our bond somehow never really changes. I don't know how we talked about things but when we finally reached the topic of love, there was something that God seemingly wanted me to speak about.

What does the world see love as?
What do we as Christ followers see love as?
Do we see it as simply a feeling?
Do we see it as something that comes and goes as it wills?
Do we see it as a tool to attain something from someone "useful"?

Is love practical?

The more i thought of it, the sadder i felt... because i think in this short walk with Christ, i've gained one huge thing from my Father. Love in its rawest form, unconditional, undisputable and unassuming love. Sometimes as Christians we forget the characteristics of God's love. We forget in very essence that He is love. And the world speaks of love as if its trivial, it can be had and lost, given and claimed.

If love is a feeling but contains no perseverence, is that truly love? Because love gives unerringly despite the situation, if not what makes that different from charity? Give until you don't wanna give anymore so you just give up.

it really showed me the power of Jesus' love... as he endured temptations, i'm sure he was tempted to not love people around him... what for? All they wanted to do was to kill Him. But instead He felt an even greater burden for them, for a people who couldn't love with an unconditional resilience. So much that He chose with His mind and heart to go to the cross for us. (:

Thank you Jesus (:

I really want to learn to love as you did not for various reasons but simply because people need this love. Heh tho its definitely not easy but i'm still learning and still a work in progress (:

Cale (:

2008-05-22T06:22:00.000-07:00

mmm well i guess its times to recap on my very first uni camp and my very first camp in the NS ministry (:

We had our camp on st john's island(too bad i don't own a camera ><) but it was a really different experience where you don't:
1. enjoy praise and worship in the extremely comfortable air conditioned hall that you experience in youth camps
2. don't have like hundreds of youths squashed together
3. have rooms and beds to own the hostels

but what we did have (: :
1. an island which really showed me what the Artist can make with His almighty hands (:
2. a breath of fresh air and a quiet retreat with God where all we had were these few hundred young people sat down to worship God despite all things!
3. company that was to die for (: Every single one of you made my day everyday in camp!
4. The incredible changing power of God which reached deep into my heart and struck the chords of my soul
5. Going through terkan-ing sessions which reminded me oh-so-fondly of our other "favourite "island ( any guesses since it starts with a big T and ends with a G)
6. wonderful hospitable camp comm! (:
7. a renewed spirit
8. a grateful heart.

I guess it would be a huge lie to say that there was flashbacks of youth camps and how there's that inexplicable and irresistable urge to compare, but i realised one thing that it doesn't matter where you are, all it matters is where God is and where your heart is. Camp was amazing! Although there were no declarations of hitting numbers in goals, the huge roaring fire of souls but instead there was that peace in the spirit where you could hear the Holy spirit creeping and flooding hearts.

The second night was rather interesting with our first activity re-enacting the time when Jesus was captured. It was actually pretty intimidating to be questioned, forced to do physical exercises (that were for one not easy at all after a while having to do frog jumps around the bball court and push ups like close to perpetually every station), but somehow i think we infuriated the game masters quite a bit because our bunch of NS guys took it as simply an activity at first before getting pretty much blasted it. But in the spirit of it all, it really felt good doing all those exercises together, and i can understand the spirit and enthusiasm that we showed to do more exercises because it sorta reminded us how it was in BMT. It was so close to being exactly like it :P But there were lessons to be learnt and it really made me think if it was easy to be a disciple at all. I really wonder how the apostles survived... in that oppressive environment... thank God that Jesus rose again and He saved us (:

But i think the ultimate highlight would be the very last night, where we had worship which really reached deep down into my soul. God healed me that night as he urged me to respond to that call. He took away all the hurts, all the troubles, the blame and sin that i didn't know i carried and renewed my spirit utterly. As the leaders were praying for the people who responded, two leaders came to pray for me and God really moved through them with a message that i really sought, and it gave me a renewed direction and showed me how to really lay down everything to God (: After that was a heart warming holy communion which was something that i never really experienced before (: As we all went around exchanging cups as we spoke to our brothers and sisters whom we had something to say, to thanks, affirm, encourage or to apologise to. For me, i think there was a lot of exchanges which i really treasured (: and i was encouraged by this family of Christ! And i think God helped me clear the air a little more as well as to let me truly have a peace in my heart.

One sentence that i kept hearing from the people of a certain group which i treasure: " I'll see you at the end of the race." (:

Haha simply hearing that made me smile. (:
Because there's really nothing like running till the end beside this dear family of mine.

I pray that God has touched the hearts of all those who were there (:
And i thank God that He has shown me wonderful things in this camp as well as filling me up with an extra dosage of his spirit.(:

Its time to go again (:

2008-05-09T15:28:00.000-07:00

choir concert last night was really good (:! haha i just wanna post a big JIAYOU to shaun, seokh and junyao (: one more performance to go and you guys are doing great!! (: hehh your fruits of labour will definitely be reaped! i'm praying for you all!
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when i think of you all, i just never thought that it'd come to this.
faithfulness is not simple.
when your working all alone, its even harder to be faithful because there's no one to watch your back when you fall.
but that's what we think.

the truth is God constantly watches our back and when we persist in doing His work, nothing will be in vain.
circumstances may come, but sometimes we just need to remind ourselves that He made them for us to overcome them (:

letting go is hard.
but God let me learn to really let you wholly take the wheel.

and i pray for all of you... that you'll notice how much we need you to start being yourselves again and stop looking at the circumstances.

one thing i've learnt:
if you don't have it, create it.
He's always behind us in that (:

Thank you God for everything (:

2008-05-08T07:59:00.000-07:00

Its true.

serving is not = doing.

maybe today is a time to stop staggering in a dry and weary land.

time to stop feeling endlessly tired.

time to stop groaning and whining.

maybe God put all these in my life to remind me that
with my own strength, i'm no less than nothing.

time to pick myself up and trust in the rain.

Like a certain blog i've read today.
maybe God created the bad so that we can rejoice in the good.
similarly, i have my own maybe.
maybe God puts me through all this, to make me stronger.

everyday i live with no extra thought and with supposedly no extra time to think.
all of it is made up of
the rustling of papers
the ringing of the telephone
the click of the keyboard
the rush of orders

but what i really need to live with is fresh bread everyday.
not stale bread left on the tray
fresh bread coming from a little blue book
the little blue book lives, speaks, nourishes and breathes life into many things
thats why maybe jonathan ought to wake himself up again
so that God can call on Cale again.
Let the rush of life fade away,
but let the calling of God call you day by day.

i'm going to start with the basics again. and strengthen it.

2008-05-01T07:54:00.000-07:00

What is my self worth based upon?

Today i learnt that people saw my self worth through my grades. Some very unthoughtful comments coming from places i never thought they would come from. It doesn't help my current situation...

But this is what i've been thinking about. Am i really worth ONLY as much as my grades? Just a couple of As means your the best student in the world. But if your not a straight A student, your a piece of trash?

I don't think so.
Even if the world thinks that, i know my God doesn't.

He looks not at man's wisdom or actions but of a man's heart.

I can't let these things affect my emotions or my confidence, tho i can't stay ignorant of it.
I have to learn to a be a salt and light, which means a higher discipline level, an indomitable fighting spirit and a determination to always put in my best into studies, ministry and activities, which has been so daunting for me for the past 6 years of school.
But i will overcome it with my God who can do all things through me (:

With His strength, i want to do my utmost. My future is in His hands and my self-worth is priceless to Him.
I am humbled yet determined to shine.

because I want to lift Your name up high.
And show the cynical out there that You are real in my life as you are in theirs.
Help me GOd and touch my life (:

Amen.

2008-04-27T07:45:00.000-07:00

Circumstances are starting to worry me, but i refuse to lose hope in the plan that God has for me!
Because I know that He has a plan for me and he is mighty to save.

thankyou God for giving the simple joy to live by everyday and for those words that you've given me. i am encouraged by your promise and i shall look fwd to see the great things that you've promised.

3 last days at PLAD, a place that is oddly far away but a place that i will miss working at because of the people there. a motley but interesting bunch of people. i shall make the most out of this.

come on cale, keep trying, keep trying and don't lose hope in what you do. because you know that this is how God blessed you to live and living by it gives you the greatest reward and satisfaction.

powerful obedience.
what do they mean to you?

2008-04-21T07:24:00.001-07:00

What is wisdom? ---> a very interesting question my shepherd discussed with me through our usual dinner/ reading session today. Go ponder.

Its odd how working hard together draws people together. First hand experience at PL made me really wonder, where the satisfaction came from through the hard work of packing and moving packages of ammo around and sweating it out in a stuffy warehouse. But its amazing how the light hearted camaraderie and incessant chatter keeps you occupied such that time flies.

The long travelling time today was quite a blessing from God. The small prayers that i whisper, and the songs which i sing softly to myself on the train ride, reminded me of the grace that you've given me. Especially when Hosanna plays for some reason, the phrase "God who saves" pops up into my mind and it strikes a chord deep in my soul.

That God isn't a God who judges( well at least he judges fairly (:)
That God isn't there to condemn.
God isn't here to coerce.
God isn't here to watch you like a watchdog or a fierce parent.
God isn't here to enforce every moral rule upon you.

But He's here to set me free from sin and to save me from the mistakes that i've made over and over. I admit that mistakes aren't that easy to change but i know that i'm a work-in-progress (for a long long looooooong time to come.). But it really gives me great great joy to walk with God every day! :D

Just to hear his voice speak to me is reason enough.
Because His words and promises and more than i could ask for (:

P.S This is a shoutout to my breakfast partner at boon lay! Thank you for making my day hahaha!

2008-04-20T08:51:00.000-07:00

I'm reaching for your heart,
You hold my life in your hands,
drawing me closer to You,
I feel your power renew.
Nothing compares to this place,
where i can see you face to face...
I worship you
in spirit and in truth.

What if You never entered my life, what would i still be today?
Maybe i would be still worrying about what i want to do with my life. About simply making money, where dollars rule your heart and cents rule your mind.
Maybe i'd still be feeling downtrodden over all the imperfections that make up the person i am. Consumed by emotions, consumed by negative thought, consumed by the thought of having nowhere or no one to turn to.

But i found Jesus.
And All He did was say, "Come."
And He poured his spirit freely into my life with a kind of love that no song, or action could express.
The sacrifice of Christ is something not easily understood because it needs to be experienced and trusted with a faith in something that you cannot see physically.
Yet when you've seen it, you'll never forget it because of how it has changed your life.

The next two weeks will be hectic but i know that i can trust You, my dear Father, wit h anything in the world. You've brought me through all obstacles, i know i can do all things through Christ who lives in me and loves me. There is nothing greater than serving and worshipping you with every ounce of my life.

I simply want to live your way and lift your name up high <3>

2008-04-18T09:10:00.000-07:00

Weariness is like a chained iron ball which drags at your ankles.
I tried organising myself this week only to find that the schedule doesn't meet my style, becoz my concentration at night is really not substantial. I can practically conk out on my feet everyday after work. I'm not really sure whyy.

But its been a good week because God answered many prayers by somehow giving me a job in HQ (i'm stunned :X) and reaching out into my life. I thank God for a great shepherd who lives so near me and that we can go home everyday together (: I think i finally understand doing life together a little better (:

About planetshakers...
It was an incredible experience because of the amazing atmosphere on friday night. But what touched me the most was the sight of a little caucasian boy standing on the chair in front of me. He was hopping and hopping during praise and worship and tethered along the side dangerously. But his father with his huge protective arms, held his son by the waist and sang powerfully to God despite his Son's restlessness and excitement. At times, he hugged his son closely to him painting a moving picture of love.

It reminded me of the greatness of God's love. How God always loving holds us close to him, even tho we may be excited or balancing on the plateau between spiritual life and death, He's always the constant who loves more than anyone else. He is the God, who holds us closely to his side and guides us safely to green pastures,

HE is the Lord my shepherd and I shall not want....
For He has always protected me and given me rest (:

2008-04-13T09:07:00.000-07:00

No matter how many times this happens, the same old lingering pain exists.
The pain of helplessness when you know someone is in trouble and you have no way of helping because you are kept out/helpless/ or simply unknowing of the situation.

My only answer to it is prayer.
Even though sometimes it may feel small and insignificant, prayer is the biggest gift we can give, because it is our hearts cry for someone which God will listen to.

Focus your emotions on the kingdom and don't waste them elsewhere.
Be who i want to be, to become who i can be.

Vital principles learnt this week and this is another random post

2008-04-11T09:51:00.000-07:00

FBO for a Soldier in the Armed forces(roughly disclaimer):
- Rifle
- Helmet
- LBV
- Torch
- SOG
- Utility belt

FBO for a GAF soldier (God's Armed Forces):
- Belt of truth
- breastplate of righteousness
- Sandals of peace
- Shield of Faith
- Helmet of Salvation
- Sword of the Spirit

I was thinking about this sometime during this week... that every profession has its own "suit". A businessman has his black suit with briefcase, a doctor his coat and medical tools, A soldier his weapons. So should every God-following Christian because I may be in national service fulltime, but I am God's Soldier OVERTIME! thank God He already gave me a list (:

God touched me greatly through the planetshakers concert which i will give an update on in my next post.

2008-04-04T19:51:00.000-07:00

" I was a lost sheep until you found me."

- An excerpt from my QT sometime ago.

I was reading my journal this week and i looked back to the times where i struggled with so many difficult but sometimes ridiculous issues which i now think is rather foolish :P But I love the way that God has brought me all the way to where i am now to become who i am. This line impacted me so much because i was reminded why i serve and why i love God so much. Simply because He gave to me first, He brought a light into my life and carried, dragged, chided, lugged and encouraged me all the way to where i am now.

At this point in time, i really needed this reminder for reasons unexplicable.

BUt thank You God for giving to me (:
I love You (:

2008-03-28T21:54:00.000-07:00

Just another hour or so to the SMU Sch of social sciences interview. Kinda nervous but sort of excited (: I guess all the interview skills i've picked up in Chinese high to hwachong would come into play now.(: Its kinda exciting for finally put into practice some skills which you've learnt time and time again but never put into use.

Finally the week ends and its an end of sitting in the training shed at the school of Ammo. Where lessons are somehow painfully self studied and the long hours under that training shed, slowly but surely draining away my mental stamina. Somehow stoning and thinking takes a lot out of you and after a day, your mind is suffering some sort of excruciating mental fatigue. Odd that when doing nothing, i can feel this way. Staying in takes away your freedom, but staying out takes away your time and energy. Oh well, all things have its pros and cons (:

I pray real hard that i'll be able to get a good posting after 3 weeks, so that i can finally finalize the courses that i can take. There's nothing more enjoyable than picking up new skills i realize. Rotting for too long makes you insanely stagnant, where you aren't improving or learning anything. Man is such a strange creature. Whatever you don't have you would want it... only until you have it. When i had sch, studying was a pain. But now, learning and studying seems more interesting than wasting my life away. Every skill i pick up opens a new door, to new people, to doors where i can reach out to more lives. Classes or work places or languages which reach out to fallen people, can be used by my beloved Maker (:

Its finally saturday and it feels really odd not to have service today coz its tmr. But i'm still excited for caregroup today! coz i get to see all my brothers (:

The flux of activity and changes right now unsettles me but i know that wherever i go, i'm safe in the arms of Jesus (:

My life is Yours, make me accountable for it-- Just like Hosea who made his life solely Yours.

2008-03-26T10:15:00.000-07:00

When i struggle, i know You are always there watching over me.

Overcoming this with You is much easier.
The heavy burden of weariness, You have always borne it with me.

Thank you Lord

2008-03-22T20:15:00.000-07:00

I'm at another crossroad of my life.

The thing about crossroads is that you scratch your head on which is the way to turn. An extremely mind-boggling decision for a direction muddled youth like me. Countless times of " Oops wrong way" later, i come back to the crossroad to realize that there was a sign here all along. Just that i was too busy making my own decision.

Sometimes all i need to do is to look out for that sign.
Sometimes all i need to do is to look to God.

Step.
Step.
Step.

There's the next sign.

Step.
Step.
Step.

OH there it is.

So finding my direction was this easy?

All i need to do is to trust.
Trust in You my God who has brought my through blocks and promos, tears of joy and tears of failure, high fevers, flus, loneliness and the different little inconsequential things which haunt my dark human heart.
But now i just want to live in your light and joy.

Thank you

2008-03-21T10:31:00.000-07:00

Learning is something which really fills me up.
Learnt to play keyboard with my piano a little today from Hanyang and i really really think that its an amazing skill to learn (:, especially when it displays your emotions and it can lead others into God's presence. As jiehui always encourages us, "go and pick up skills" i really sense a need for that because the more skills i pick up, the more ways i can serve.

Another thing which tips water into my flask is reaching out to other people's lives.
Today's BBQ event was great because we got to know Jx's and Robert's friends which was really interesting. I also got to know Ding Chuen better and its really good to hear another person's story and to learn from it or to touch it in certain ways.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Its sad when you see your friends in pain and nothing you say will help them.
When you know their in trouble but they lock it up within.
The helplessness gets worse when they shut the door in your face.

But i know God that prayers will be heard and that you'll send your help from above.
Deliver them from their troubles and provide for them in their need.
Heal them from their hurts and give them hope.
Because in the end, i hope they turn to You and remember that they need You.

P.S I'm in a broody mood today (: And its good because i haven't been in the long time. I suppose you can tell from the randomness of htis post. I shall post again hopefully.

2008-03-17T10:48:00.000-07:00

Just to sweep some dust of this blog.

Block leave has started and BMT felt like just a blink of an eye.
All the saikang, field camps, live range and all the miscellaneous stuff.
Now things are in motion again...

Its the little things in life that bring joy. I really love the simple brotherly love that this caregroup shares. Although we didn't have a lot of time together, but these people who have given time into this group are v treasured by me (: because they really have warmed my heart.

Lesson learnt from today. Everything requires a little wisdom and foresight (:

Easter is coming and its a v special season for me (:
Because someone gave and never asked in return (:

Thank You
<3 Cale

2008-03-02T18:02:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Fungmin! (:

May God bless you greatly in the days to come and thank you for giving into my life (: Take care of yourself and enjoy being 19! :P

Life has been challenging with a lot of change taking place, new people, new places, new things to adapt to. But through it all i realise one thing, that God never changes. He's always the same God, always to God who comforts me when i'm afraid and worried, always the same God who gives me wisdom in times of need, who gives me hope when i have none. Now i think i understand a bit more about leaning on God, that everything we go through comes with a purpose. Our treasures will come when we finally see it through (:

Don't let surroundings change you entirely but bring change to your surroundings at the same time.

Camps for Jesus!

God, i love you (:

2008-02-16T05:20:00.000-08:00

Love and grace.

Grace is underserved blessings or kindness that is given. But we often overlook these blessings, for example how our parents slog to feed us everyday, or how we're granted beds to sleep on. We take them for granted. Those are mmm i would say simplified examples. But i realised that the joy of waking up everyday, of simply being able to talk to God, of simply finding times to sing to God is really God's grace to me. I thank God that He's helping me everyday to slowly find my place in camp, to slowly touch people's lives around me. I also thank God for a guitar and his prescence as i sing to him, coz there's nothing more enjoyable than singing to God (: It really fills my heart with a peace and joy which cannot be replaced(:

Love is a word talked about by many. But love is so easy to take but so difficult to give. So easily talked about. Some treat it as a prize, others like a conquest, some treat it as a temporary comfort, others seek it to satisfy a yearning in their hearts. But love is not about taking. But Love is giving. To be patient. To never be rude. To always trust. Always persevere. To be kind. To be caring. To be hopeful. To be forgiving. And it never fails. The truth is love is given and not something to be obtained. I'll never forget why i seek to learn to truly love others.
Its simply because you gave it to me first, especially when i needed it the most.

When i was blind, you found me,
when i was caught, you set me free,
Hanging onto the mercy that you gave me
I'll sing forever of the way you gave me
this life to live.

I wanna sing holy Saviour,
Great redeemer,
Lord of all the earth,
Humble hearler,
Magnificent Father,
I'll sing of your love forever.

In Tribute to my Father in Heaven, who has lead me so often when i was blind, who had given me light when i was in darkness. I just want to give everything i have to walk with you everyday (: Because there is really nothing that is this satisfying or this meaningful. Sometimes i think that i have lost small bits of me, but i realised that God i slowly moulding me and letting me see the rough edges in my soul. I'm unsure whether i'll make it, but in all things there is always a choice, to focus on your Giant( your problem) or on Your God. Which G would you choose? I'd definitely bet on my Provider.

thank you for always seeing me through.

"i'll always be with you "
Your words ever echo in my heart (:

2008-02-07T18:55:00.000-08:00

Finally back from Pulau tekong, must say that first bookout really feels good.

I guess life on the island is really different. Someone once said that when you first book out you look at the world differently and it perfectly true at least for me. You'd realise how much freedom that we're actually given and how important friends and family are to you. You really appreciate how much that they've given you as well. Its a very chastening experience and you realise that the world ain't so simple.

I really wanna thank God for blessing me with Simon to be in my company because through these two weeks although its through that Pes C life is not so hiong as Pes A and B but i guess we do face challenges, these challenges may also be slightly different than usual. But having a brother to keep you accountable and being a prescence which you can count on in camp really helps. I also wanna thank God for being such a beautiful creator (: Whenever i was weary and tired of everything, i'd look up into the sky. The day sky filled with fluffy clouds which were really beautiful, the azure sky just allowed me to take my mind off all the troubles and schedules but just take a little time off everything.

There was this one experience which really touched me. There was one night where i was so tired and frustrated with certain things in camp. I took a breath of fresh air on the corridor and said a small prayer for help and for God to sustain me. And in the sky just in front of me was a star blazing brightly. It just shone in the middle of all the stars in the sky and i was just reminded of God that his grace and prescence would be sufficient for me and it simply made me smile. (:

The past couple of weeks have made me rethink my perspectives and i'm worried about certain changes in me. But i know that in God i will overcome them with Him, I will look forward and will walk with Him through it all (:

Thank You God (: for always being my provider, Healer, Father and Friend.
How could i live without you.

Joyful fact 1: I CAN GO FOR SERVICE THIS WEEK!!!!!! (: SATURDAY HERE I COME! (:

<3 Cale

2008-01-24T07:04:00.000-08:00

I feel really blessed today (:

Met boons for lunch and had a great talk after a few weeks (: I'll miss the antics we were always up to (: Then went for grads caregroup (: Which is getting livelier and more fun as they progress, really seeing people step up and growing so much and i really feel so happy that God is moving in them so greatly and strongly! (: I wanna thank ALL THE GRADS for praying for me (: thank you for just blessing me with your prayers and support (:

And more imptly, a big thank you to my ex-shep sam (: you'll always be a guide and a person that i look up to (: Thank you for making the effort to come to visit and thanks for the talk! I badly needed it and i really feel more relieved (:

The long holiday is over and finally its the 25th! Time to move on to the next phase of life.

I'm sort of scared but excited for what is about to come! (: More people to know and a different experience, but at the same time uncertain about how the confinement will go. Looking fwd to the 6th of Feb when i book out and finally see my caregroup again! (: Haven't seen those guys for 2 weeks and soon a month but i miss their presence around (:

Just 11 more hours to go! (:
See you guys on 6th of Feb (:

The Lord is my shepherd(:

2008-01-23T20:08:00.000-08:00

I'm mad at you.

I don't know why you do this all the time.
Please leave me alone for a while

2008-01-21T06:43:00.000-08:00

Finally met vonne tang for the first time in 5-6 years? (:

Just glad that things weren't like weird or awkward, but it was really just enjoyable talking to her again like we've done a lot of times recently (: The shopping/walking around at bugis street and lunch was just really relaxing and the chat was refreshing (: think we caught up at least around 1 years worth (or so) :P But it brightened my day tremendously that i got to meet this person whom i think God has really put in my life under circumstances which was probably not v normal (: But thank God (:

After that went to watch movie with ACB, and cloverfield is a thrilling movie just v dizzy. Watch with caution but i must say its pretty thrilling and scary at some parts (:

Enlisting in 4 days with mixed feelings.
These days are just packed.
March is the beginning of a chapter which i'm filled with uncertainty but hoping and expecting for what God will do in my life.

But for now,
Jehovah Jireh please provide for me because your comfort is what i can lean on

2008-01-17T10:05:00.001-08:00

I picked out a box of old cards yesterday in the wee hours of the morning and i simply sat there and read and read. As i read, i just simply reminisced on all the memories that i'd been given in the past 2 years.

The two caregroups today were really (:

Thank you everyone for brightening up my day.
Somehow the feeling and the atmosphere was really homely.
No pretence, no hiding.
It reminded me of the gift God gave me and how lucky i am to have received.
I don't have to find myself hiding behind masks anymore as i did just years ago.
I just have to be who i've been molded to become (:

I received a call from kenny today.
Talking to him was really really mmm... great? that's sort of an understatement tho (:
Its nice to hear from someone going through the rigours of NS already but its even nicer that we know that we're all behind each other.

"My soul is downcast within me, therefore i will remember You."

I've been walking unsteadily and even fell a few times these past few weeks. But i'm learning to go back to the basics.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and all your strength.

2008-01-15T05:06:00.000-08:00

Everyday is breezing past with the 25th creeping up on me.
Enlistment day (:

I must say the world is very different with half your friends in the army, the other half working and you are the one caught in the middle. Its quite weird :P But i'm sure God meant me to spend these extra days meaningfully.

Mixing with the NS group has definitely been enjoyable and an interesting experience, i guess i've learnt a little more of how the ministry works and how it feels to have a weekend ministry. Its definitely not easy considering NS men spend 5 days in camp and your limited time left you will really want to cherish. It'll be challenging and tiring for all my other brothers, tho for me it might be slightly less coz of my potential 8-5 posting. I just pray that God will see us through this period because it will be a time for moulding and a time for looking and reflecting on how we are and who we truly are. Without a safe and protected environment, will we still hold on to the values we hold so dear to ourselves. I'm looking forward yet a little afraid but i'm sure somehow God will deliver.

Adapting has been a bit of a challenge in some sense (: But thanks to my new shepherd, Peter and the friendly NS guys things aren't so tough to get along. Just that i miss the enlisted guys who make up my caregroup and that perhaps i'm not so in sync with the culture as well as the way things go around that group that makes things challenging. Weariness creeps in and dryness set in a little which leaves me struggling to keep my focus on what i want to do and how i want to grow. God, i heard your voice (: I'll keep my eyes on You and keep going (:

I really wanna thank God that these days haven't been as mundane as i thot it to be, slowly finding myself in my thoughts as well as looking back on old hobbies again. I also want to thank God for some faithful friends who have really blessed me (: Thank you all!

This post is just a brief overview of what has been happening and what i've been thinking of and if anyone wants to be nice, do give me a call and meet me for a meal or sth! HAHAHA sometimes altho things aren't so bad but the boredom does set in. Its always nice to see a familiar face. (:

I've been reading this old card again and again today and it just brought back memories and i don't know if things are still the same or have they changed so drastically... maybe someday things will get better...

You are my all in all

2008-01-12T08:12:00.000-08:00

Draining and Filling.

What fills you and what drains?
Maybe that was what i really didn't know all this time.
Time to relook and revaluate.
Is my cup full or is it simply draining away?

Hope you guys are safe...
I'll see you all soon. I hope (:

Jesus, take the wheel.

2008-01-09T05:50:00.001-08:00

Class chalet was joy (: Although the weather was a letdown, the costs were rather high, but the company was more than worth it (: One final goodbye before we meet again months later (:

To all the guys going in earlier than me, take care and stay safe! I'll see you guys soon!

For now, i just wanna count my blessings:
1. I wanna thank God that i'm going in in Jan, so that i don't have to rush to find work and everything. I also will be able to adapt to my new ministry better (:
2. I wanna thank God that i have such a cheerful and fun bunch of people in the NS ministry (:
3. I thank God that I managed to find my i pod again.
4. I wanna thank God that He's always stood by me in the tough times when things don't seem so bright (: I'm sure i'll make it through
5. I wanna thank God for my family who has been understanding and tolerating my consistent playing mentality despite the start of the new year
6. I wanna thank God that He has brought me to where i am today to grow me more and to show me that i can do much more than what i could do just a few months before.
7. I wanna thank God for showing me true friends (:

With Christ as the vessel i can smile in the storm...
I'm clinging on tightly...
so never let me go.
Hear my prayer please(:

2008-01-06T07:30:00.000-08:00

When we honestly ask ourselves which person means most to us,
We often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice,solutions, or cures
have chosen to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle tender hand

Today, i was asked a question.
I answered it with my mind to smother it all
But in my heart i had an answer totally different from what i said.
This part of my emotions and thoughts will disappear someday perhaps.
But what never changes will be the memories that linger through time.

Friends that can sit by you not knowing, not healing and facing our weakness,
but facing it by our side.

Friendships that never die.

Because of the dream and the vision that holds us together.

2008-01-04T09:13:00.000-08:00

You know the story of the starfishes on the dried up beach?

Well i have it on my wall and it goes like this.

One day, a man walked on the beach when he saw another figure tossing starfishes back into the sea. He was curious coz there was hundreds and thousands of starfishes! And the task to save them all from drying up and dying was almost impossible.

He was curious and asked the man throwing starfishes back, " Why do you keep throwing starfishes back into the sea? There are hundreds of miles and thousands of starfishes, it doesn't make a difference."

The man replied after throwing a starfish back into the sea," I made a difference for that one."

The number of troubles in the world are... immense. But if we could cover just one in prayer for God to do his work everyday, we make a difference to someone's life everyday because prayer is the most powerful tool which moves a person who can move the mountains. If i could say a prayer for someone's trouble and touch someone's life everyday, i make a difference to one more life. It matters because the world has SO MUCH of it, and removing one everyday may seem insignificant, but one everyday would mean 365 in a year. bit by bit step by step. Every life changed is worth more than anything. Because it cost Jesus every drop of his blood to save our lives.

A little time to pray everyday.
The price is worth paying anytime.

2008-01-03T05:08:00.000-08:00

Thank you for giving me another reason to rejoice (:
Thank You for answering a long forgotten prayer.
Thank You for choosing to raise my spirits now (:

I really didn't expect it to happen this way.
but You always have the best plan for me (:

Thank you for this friend (:
What you gain in the spirit is always more valuable than what you can gain materially (:
I trust in You

2008-01-01T19:55:00.000-08:00

The year ending post...

2007 was a year of laughter, tears and sheer hard work. The joy of having a jnr class not one but two of them, the crazyness of orientation and so many other times spent with my dear 06a13, not forgetting the times when we practiced for the CNY dance comp, the incredible joy of finally winning the national school's gold, the toil of falling headfirst into the A levels, new sheep, more lives changed, crazy mugging into the night in places like the library and at the amphitheatre not to mention seeing Mrs tan for consults every week (:, the study caregroups which pushed us on together despite the A lvls and finally we're here in 2008. This is the year where i faced more sets of ups and downs than any other year, emotionally, physically and spiritually, but i realised that i learnt so many new things. What it really meant to love people, to be concerned of how people are doing, to build up and not to tear down, to support, to give and not expect to receive, to continue to hold on to 1 Cor 13. I really want to thank 06a13, my teammates and most of all my dear HCCG, thank you for pulling me through this year... i couldn't have made it without you (:

Now to present everything in a relatively interesting Fashion :P

The A-Z of 2007-- The memorable people and events of 2007

A- "A" levels X)

First of course, no one could forget the awful A's which was the largest challenge of the year. The unending challenges of staying sane and continual thoughts of why i'm studying or what i'm studying for. It was a tough tough challenge in all aspects. I'll always remember that period when i went home tired everyday, not knowing why even though i may have slept enough. But it was the company and encouragement which showed me what frens were for and also notice how God has been good to me (: He pulled me through stacks of notes (which can reach up to 1 metre or more) as well as putting dear teachers like Mrs TAN! to help me when i most needed encouragement and hope. Not forgetting all the dear people who i'll mention later (: Good bye A levels but thank you for teaching me and showing me a different phase of faith! (:

B- Boonie (: a.k.a Yingtse.co :P

One person who shone a lil light in my life throughout the year (: Thank you spastic little baboon for always giving me those little smiles with all the cat-like behaviour and doing pointless and random things with me(: I'm sure dozens of people (namely our classmates) would have seen our totally irrational antics (: But she has always been a person i could talk to without reserve, a person who gave me comfort and gave me a little push when the going got tough(: Thank you(:

C- Chilliping a.k.a ghp a.k.a Liping (:

Go home partner! Haha out of all my go-home-partners this one is the only one which can walk down the slope with me (: I really appreciate and love this friendship because i see what it means to have a frenship centred on Christ (: Two totally different personalities and temperaments but yet making it work on every trip home (: Thank you for teaching me so much and contributing to how i've grown in the past year. (: Thank you for also showing me what a comfortable silence means (: though you may not read this. Thank you for giving me the little joys as well as being a great friend (:

D- Da Kompany

A bunch of brothers who have stuck with me through these two years. Thank you for making this year work as well! The most wonderful part is that i think that through the difficulties and things that have come between us at times, we stuck them through and have only come out stronger. I'll miss you guys in NS and we must come out with a hotter bod than karweng :P (altho for me v hard hahaha)

E- Eugene acb (:

My sheep. My buddy for 13 years now. My brother who has stuck with me through tough times. My friend who was with me and quarrelled with me and the first person i brought to Christ. I'll miss you lots too (: And i look forward to always walking with you till the end of days (: I can't say anymore coz there is no way to describe this friendship (: Grow well(:

F- Fungg (:

One person anointed by God (: A person who impacted my life and has always encouraged me along this year (: A person whom God put around me for a reason (the reason sometimes i questioned :P) but a friend who came through at the end. Thank you for seeing me through my childishness and my insecurity and i will miss you as well (: talk to you soon.

G- God's Aim (:

I can never forget First Frontier camp. Remember the two weird singers on stage? One of them was me X) it was a new experience, a nerve wrecking one, an exciting one and definitely a fun one, thanks to the entire crew of God's aim. (: My first experience on stage in front of such a huge crowd, doing something i love and i hope someday i'll serve like that too (: haha that's one big dream (: But i'll never forget these moments (: Thank you God.

H- HCCG <3
We're halfway through the post and i've come to the most important part of this year (: The Family which i love so much with a capital "F". God has been faithful to us this year as He always has been (: Bringing so many new brothers and sisters to know You and putting them in my life to teach me, encourage me and show me what love truly means. HC caregroup is love. A love which i could never have survived this year without. The caregroups, the study packs for the J2s as well as for our own people, the camps and all the cheers and songs (: I love you all and miss you all dearly (: This bunch of brothers and sisters, i will never forget (: HCCG '07

I- " I don't know" - The most common phrase :P

I was stunned by "I". "I don't know" the phrase that i've used to run away from so much. (: I especially rmbr this from all the at-times horrifying consultations with Mrs tan where i didn't have any answers. Or the times when i wondered how to get past my math. I thank God though that although i remember this phrase leaving my mouth so much this year (:, You provided me with wisdom through my teachers like Mrs Lee who saved my math through tuition and Mrs Eileen Tan for never giving up hope on me (: Thank you God (:

J- Jeriel (:

A brother who lives so close to me (: Thank you for listening to me always and cabbing home with me still (: Thank you for the advice and being someone whom God uses to touch me in my spiritual walk. I still remember you were the one who corrected me in my behaviour to let me know what being a Christian means. Thank you for impacting me life and i'll miss you (:

K- Kenny(:

Kenny (:! I thank God for this life who has shown me how God can change lives, for putting him into my life so that he is a support to my life in class as well as a loyal friend and ever giving buddy! Someone whom i've come to trust in this year! Keep growing bro! (: And thank you for pulling through this year with me!

L- Lil sis seok (:

Simply put, she's been a little sister to me (: Thank you for always being encouraging through the difficult times this year (: Especially the reminder to be "still" (: Now whenever i hear that song i remember that time you reminded me of it. (: Hang in there, grow strong and i'll miss ya (:

M- March 11, 2007. Welcome Cale (:

Finally another event! :P Death and rebirth is it possible? Jesus did it. On this day, Jon "died" and Cale was brought into this world and Cale said, "my life is Yours". This life took a turn on this day in 2007. And it gives me another reason to remember 2007, a year which God has blessed me so much

N- New sheep - Junyao=P & Clarence

Junyao(:- A sheep which has brought me so much joy in the short few months that he has been with me. So similar to me in some ways yet unique is so many others. Thank you for being a great support and a person who has impressed me with your faith and your actions to follow it through. Grow strong and i thank God for what He will do in your life. Miss you sheepy! (:

Clarence (:- A sheep that i look forward to walking the next two years with! I thank God for blessing me with this sheep and that He'll help me teach him and build him up well!

Thank God for giving me these two sheep in 2007 (:

O- 06A13 (:

A class like no other which i will not trade anything else for! This class has been a great blessing to me (: Studying together in the library, laughing at the bench and in class about so many things! Lessons would never be the same without you guys and thank you for the wonderful memories (: Miss you all and Stay safe (:

P- Porky a.k.a Oli chia :P

Pork! A person who has come to be one of my random photowhoring partners and regular people that i can laugh with and laugh at :P I wanna thank God for letting her be a person i can easily talk to and relate to esp. near the end of the year (: Pork, don't abandon Lard! (:

Q- Quest for 60 (:

I will never forget this dream that we had! Although it was large, although it didn't succeed but i think we are very blessed through this year as we walked with God and saw lives changed! In the end, the number never matters. But the lives matter. Because God loved and so we did. yet this goal brought so many memories which i'll never forget.

R- Repetitive broken recorder a.k.a Mr creative a.k.a Liao jiexun :P

A buddy who has been there for me and been great company all the time (: Thank you for being open during camp lol :P and always being patient with me. I thank God for putting you in my life to bless me and always being around for me. I look forward to serving with you! (: Jiayou bro and thanks for all the go home times :P and all the study sessions we had for A lvls are your old house. come back from France soon!

S- Shepherd (: Samuel Cheng

My shepherd! Another VIP in my life this year! A person who hears my failures and fears and my childish anxieties but always does his best for me. I still remember all the times you waited for me after trainings, the times you stuffed things into our bags, the times you gave me advice even though i was being dumb and insecure. Thank you for always setting aside time to be concerned with my life. Thank you for always offering to give into my life although you had little yourself. No matter what, you will always be my loving shepherd (: haha a person who has cared for me especially when i'm in deep trouble (: Thank you for the talks on the phone or at camp to hear and accept me for who i am. Thank you for trusting and believing in me. I'll miss ya, stay safe and healthy, stop chionging so much and pay attention to yourself at times (:

T- Transformation (:

I've changed not onlyin the way i dress :P( haha not the main pt) but in many other ways i probably not noticed. But i thank God for everything he has given into this life (:

U- USB Eunice (:

Another person i thank God for putting in my life (: thank you for listening, thank you for being open, thank you for understanding. I think you are a person who has encouraged me a lot alot this year! A lvls was tough but your encouragement made things a bit lighter (: Thank you! USB! :D

V- Victory! In nationals (: A Div Goal

What can i say? A long awaited dream. The victory was sweet. But its sweeter only coz it was an answered prayer (:

W- Wan Chien angel(:

My j1 CG angel who was truly an angel! (: peeled oranges, chocolate, biscuits and a spirit filling, encouraging card with every joy pack. I still remember every time i got a pack i was super happy and encouraged (: Thank you for blessing me dear sister and you've always got me a call away if you need help (: This year my turn to encourage you! (: Sorry i don't have a photo of you yet x.x!

X- X29- A life changing camp

A camp that i won't forget (: I felt like a new believer again, just worshipping and hearing God speak (: A camp which rated high on the number of times i broke down because of God's grace. I'll never forget (: And i'm claiming that promise. I'm also claiming that dream that i've made in faith! (:

Y- Your love & grace (:

Thank you God for giving me the best of your love, your grace, your patience and so much joy (: Everything above is impossible without you (: You know me best. And my God is the greatest God ever (:

Z- Zzz... its the end of 2007.
And this is the end (: the new year has come. Though I have left things behind and still miss them, but i look forward to the coming of a new and exciting year! NS is going to be mmm a testing time i expect. But everything depends on whose hands they are in. But we're in Your hands, and those large hands are good ones.

I commit this year into Your hands and God i love you.
Once more.
<3 Cale (:

2007-12-30T10:01:00.000-08:00

A new perspective of what i do and what Jesus does (:

" Instead he explained," Hi, I'm Russ Blowers. I'm with a global enterprise. We have branches in every country in the world. We have representatives in nearly every parliament and boardroom on earth. We're into motivation and behavious alteration. We run hospitals. feeding stations, crisis-pregnancy centers, universities, publishing houses and nursing homes. We care for our clients from birth to death. We are into life insurance and fire insurance. We perform spiritual heart transplants. Our original Organizer owns all the real estate on earth plus an assortment of glalaxies and constellations. He knows everything and lives everywhere. Our product is free for asking. Our CEO was born in a hick town, worked as a carpenter, didn't own a home, was misunderstood by his family and hated by his enemies, walked on water, was condemned to death without a trial, and arose from the dead. I talk with him every day."

A little lesson on contentment.

A man once went to a minister for counseling. He was in the midst of a financial collapse. " I've lost everything." he bemoaned

" Oh, i'm so sorry to hear you've lost your faith."
" NO," the man corrected him," i haven't lost my faith"
" Well, then i'm sad to hear that you've lost your character."
" I didn't say that," he corrected." I still have my character."
" I'm so sorry to hear that you've lost your salvation."
" That's not what i said," the man objected. " I haven't lost my salvation."

" You have your faith, your character, your salvation. Seems to me," the minister observed," that you've lost none of the things that really matter."

Excerpts from travelling Light by Max Lucado.

Messages which hit me real hard today. Do what you can for people today, look lesser at what you can do for yourself.

To you! i hope you know who you are. I'm sorry i shouldn't have expected, because love doesn't expect, love always trusts, hopes and believes. So i believe in you and i hope you see what i truly hope to sustain and achieve. I hope that you still remember the promises and try to keep them tho its difficult XP but i will miss you (: yeah and i hope that you'll be safe and you'll be well (:

Travelling light is difficult. Everyday i pick up guilt, sling on weariness from trying to do things on my own, get loaded by emotional burdens, tied down by things i think i "need" to do. But truly its time to learn how to put the burdens down.

Miracles need people with open arms to receive them. With all the baggage around, i won't be able to catch it. But i want to catch it. For the sake of people.

For God so loved the world, He gave his one and only son, so that all those who believe in him will not perish but receive eternal life.
Love is what matters and its task is to reach people.
I want to be one of those stepping stones for that task.
Do you? (:

2007-12-29T08:42:00.000-08:00

So it ended, my two years with this wonderful caregroup and bunch of people which gave me so much joy.

Now its time to leave it behind and look at NS.

I'm pretty excited for the upcoming ministry and the things that we can do for it! The new people and new group i guess we face it with anticipation of a new age (:

but i think because of my foolishness, i've left something behind that i may regret in the years to come. Maybe it was my impatience, maybe my immaturity. But i'm looking forward to grow in that in the year to come.

God, please take care of everyone! And please challenge me! Because i know that we need to bring the miracle out of this place to somewhere else. I want to.

Maybe i had to sacrifice it.
Maybe i didn't.
But i wanted to say something and pray something for you.
I didn't dare to.
God, you see.

Moving on wasn't as easy as it seemed after all.
Especially for an idiot like me.

But God your ways are higher than mine, your hands are larger than mine.
It all depends whose hands its in.
Now my life is in yours.

I realised a random fact of the day. The world doesn't owe me anything. But i owe it everything. Coz Jesus gave everything for me to give it to the world.

2007-12-27T19:56:00.000-08:00

When you finally slow down the pace to look, what do you find?

The answer is never defined in words.

I wish you would stop being selfish.

God, i need You.
Always have but a little more now.
Thank You very much, Jesus(:...

2007-12-26T01:36:00.000-08:00

Psalm 142
I cry aloud to the LORD;
I lift up my voice to the LORD for mercy.

I pour out my complaint before him;
before him I tell my trouble.

When my spirit grows faint within me,
it is you who know my way.
In the path where I walk
men have hidden a snare for me.

Look to my right and see;
no one is concerned for me.
I have no refuge;
no one cares for my life.

I cry to you, O LORD;
I say, "You are my refuge,
my portion in the land of the living."

Listen to my cry,
for I am in desperate need;
rescue me from those who pursue me,
for they are too strong for me.

Set me free from my prison,
that I may praise your name.
Then the righteous will gather about me
because of your goodness to me.

-------------------------------------------
Everyday you hear my prayer, you hold my questions in your mind.
For that i give thanks and hold on to You.
Thank you God for the love that you hold for me always.

2007-12-22T23:46:00.000-08:00

After everything in december its finally coming to a close.

The end of 18 and the coming of NS, a prospect to be entertained.

I read somewhere in a book where one of the protagonists said something interesting.
It goes something like this.
" Everytime we part or say goodbye to a phase in our lives, we leave part of our soul behind."
I thought that if that's the case, leaving and saying goodbye to so many things in this year would really take a huge chunk out of my soul (: although i know the goodbyes maybe temporary

These few days i've been home alone and learning the little pleasures of completing chores and making the place slightly neater (: In the midst of the silence at home, i sometimes ponder about what company means to man. Somehow the house seems a lot emptier and its pretty lonely, but i guess it really shows how God made us to live in communities (: not alone. In all things, we have companionship of people. (:

I've also sat down to think of how to live my life (sorry i'm a very pondering person nowadays x.x) what i really want to do and why i do the things i do. Do i do them for a purpose that is innocently to care and love someone else or am i doing it for other motives? I guess checking out hearts is something that i really wanna learn. Treating people as sincerely as i can and giving them a bit more love in this world where love seems to equate sometimes to sometimes undesirable motives.

Searching my soul, i think i'm really blessed with friends who have really trusted me and allowed me to trust that. Transparency and trust builds the strongest foundations of friendships. To YOU, whom i talked to yesterday ( i hope you know who you are), thank you for sharing and saying i appreciate it only touches the surface (: I thank God for this friendship and that i noticed how he has made you a blessing in my life. Hang on and i'll always be here for you (:

I really really miss A13 now (:
I miss the bench times and recess.
I miss the crazy mugging sessions and jokes.
The stupid times in lit lessons where "orgasmic" describes every single twisted Poe story.
The dumb things we do in class.
Passing one word stories.
Laughing at each other.
I miss you all to bits.

I'll miss HCCG too.
Our regular caregroups at the secret sky gardens and concourse (:
The crapping sessions at benches.
The prayer meets on friday mornings :P
The mugging sessions
The cheers during camp and our fire that never stops burning (:
Our pride in our school and our heart for its people
J1s and j2s, guys and girls making things work, where everyone goes to caregroup with burdens, heavy hearts and frowns, but leave with smiles and light hearted laughter (:
The tears which we sometimes shared :P
The testimonies of lives changed
The teasing of random couples :P
Our trust in each other
Our belief that it takes everyone to make this family a family :)
I don't know how God wove his plan but he wove it beautifully and made it work, All in his grace because compared to what He did, we did little.
The lessons of life i learnt, in security and confidence in God, in trusting people, in loving people, in communicating, in really sharing lives, in caring for each other and going the extra mile, and by learning of a family that is out of the ordinary. I think there are no families like this one (:, always growing, always loving and always aiming to change lives.
Now some of us may part, but not forever, because i think somewhere in our hearts, no matter how much we say that we need to move on and have settled down to go elsewhere to impact others, we all saved a little bit of this family in us.
Maybe someday we'll come together to look back and see how this was the start of many of our walks with God, many changes in our lives.
personally, i think this two years have made the greatest impact in my life for these 18 years.
And i want to thank every single one of you for teaching me a little bit more about life (:

Honestly, i came to HC with a grudging heart. I was part of IP but i was tired after high sch. Tired of the culture. weary of the pressure and wanted to start afresh. But i didn't know the last two years in this sch could mean more to me than anything else (:

Now its time to move on and bless others.
May the miracles continue to spread on (:
Thank You for everything

Let the memories speak for themselves (:

2007-12-16T20:29:00.000-08:00

Some thoughts never cease throughout your life (:

Sometimes i think about it, i get pretty embarrassed, other times its pretty sweet.
But in the end, there are always more important things which take up a place in my heart.
At least for the moment.

Love ya God :)

2007-12-15T09:47:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it all boils down to a choice, to make it or break it.

Searching your soul, takes an awful amount of effort.
When the facts hit you, you take a painful step back amidst your own excuses.
But more often than not, the gentle touch of God is always there.
Somehow He knows what i need the most, in the most dire times.

The current times haven't been as easy as i had hoped.
But the problem is smaller, God is bigger.

sometimes i think that this bumpy ride may have been because of this _____, but no matter but the choice doesn't lie in my hands but in yours. I wish you could see it as i could see it. but you are only you.

God, you are good in my life.
You have blessed me with friends who impact my life in ways i didn't know they could (:
You see me through even when i didn't trust you
You didn't blame me from turning from you
But you loved me more till i loved you

Compassion for people, that's where it all came from.

2007-12-13T01:58:00.001-08:00

X29 camp.
To dream big things.
This camp was so different from the rest.

I went in prepared for once, with goals, with hopes and with a heart asking God questions on whether he would help me, whether i was going in the right directions.

I came out satisfied, hungry, energized and knowing what i must do. I haven't felt like this since ENCOUNTER and the feeling is amazing even when the coughing feels endless :)

The camp wasn't like a super super "fun" camp partly due to the rain as well as adapting to the new group but it was rewarding, emotional, and soul-searching.

I really wanna thank my shepherd for his patience with me and for his guidance, without him now i think i'd probably be still lost, still searching for answers and maybe an emo bin. Thanks for offering to help for you know what :P and being so dedicated to all of us despite all the trouble and all your ministry commitments :), God sees your efforts and your heart for us! I'll be keeping you in prayer.

The most memorable moment: Resonance. It wasn't the crazy praise. It wasn't the mad jumping and enthusiasm. It was the moment God showed me all His goodness in my life, in the family He put around me. He has given and given and never asked a thing in return. In a moment, memories can pour out and consume your mind, and i remember every moment that all of you touched my life. Even tears cannot fully express, the love You have poured into my life. This is why i was able to live. This was why i was able to hunger and dream. This is why i can live as i am now.

As for every single soul in HCCG, now that we're moving on, i'll miss every one of you, but we're all in this kingdom business, i'll see you guys around :)

My sheep are the most supportive sheep ever :)

So now, we have a task in our hands. We have dreams to fulfill and lives to touch. What do we choose?

Simply to say that You are the way, the truth and the life,

2007-12-08T07:21:00.001-08:00

Humbled.

4 days with God.

<3 Cale

2007-11-29T07:25:00.000-08:00

HCCG is _______, love beyond words.

God created man and said that it was good.
God created friends they were good.
God created this caregroup and He gave me one of the greatest gifts ever.

Today we said goodbye once.
But never will be wonder too far if we stay with the same heart and the same person who brought us together.
We will always meet till eternity, always stand by each other in prayer.

Thank you for the memories.
Thank you for the love.
Thank you for all the encouraging words.
Thank you for giving me hope when i had none.
Thank you for showing me that life is so colourful and cheerful each day that whenever i am with you guys, i couldn't get too far down.

I know someday i'll look back on this day.
But this is one thing i will say,
" That God made a way,
through these people in these days"

I will miss you all awfully.
Thank you and God bless all of you=)

http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=10748172

2007-11-28T04:00:00.000-08:00

When your guilt takes over, what do you do?

Turn to You

2007-11-26T07:45:00.001-08:00

Its over!

2007-11-25T07:39:00.000-08:00

God you make me smile in ways i'd never think of :)

2007-11-24T08:09:00.000-08:00

A thousand memories.( or more...)
Definitely an exciting future.

But for now just a bit more flooding of the past. Just 2 years.

( The most painful thing is not about walking away, but is walking away without you realizing at the end what i truly wanted to do. In the end, did it matter to you? Or was it just another ignorable problem?)

2007-11-22T10:16:00.000-08:00

Mad Girl's Love Song
By Sylvia Plath

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in;
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you betwitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

I thought of this poem all of a sudden.
I think i made you up inside my head.
Yeah, i really think maybe i did.
Maybe i'm a lil cranky.
Or maybe just a little _________.

It brings back lots of memories :)
and no i dun think that when i shut my eyes all the world drops dead.
Coz when it happens then I'll have You by my side.

2007-11-22T04:57:00.000-08:00

The Word is Alive by Casting Crowns

Looking out from His throne
The Father of light and of men
Chose to make Himself known
And show us the way back to him

Speaking wisdom and truth
Into the hearts of peasants and Kings
He began to unveil
The Word that would change the course of all things

With eyes wide open all would see

The Word is alive
And it cuts like a sword through darkness
With a message of life to the hopeless and the frail
Breathing life into all who believe

The Word is alive
And the world and its glories will fade
But His truth it will not pass away
It remains yesterday and forever the same
The Word is alive

Simple strokes on a page
Eternity's secrets revealed
Carried on from age to age
It speaks truth to us even still

As the rain falls from heaven
Feeds the earth before it returns
Lord, let your Word fall on us
And bring forth the fruit you deserve

With a message of life to the hopeless and the frail.

This song has captured my heart on the long walks home, on the transport times, because of those lines, i'm reminded on the long walks down the hill to my home, that there is hope against all hope, love in a cruel world, help when we are weak.
People ask why. Maybe it seems like a simple dreamscape. It looks like a utopia. Where does help come for free? How can it be? It all sounds like words from a naive child watching the world from a narrowed perspective.

Maybe i am naive. Maybe i have a narrowed perspective. Maybe i haven't been through starvation, droughts, famine, natural disasters, loss of loved ones and so much more.
But God promised it, Jesus sealed it and the Spirit delivered it. I pray that someday there may come a day where we will make an impact to the world such that it changes and peace will truly reign. This is not a "world peace" declaration, just thoughts that ran through my mind.

I think too much.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Lit is soon.
2. Caregroup is tmr.:)
3. Poe, Prospero and the pushy geraldine awaits.
4. I wish I didn't have this annoying flu
5. Want to go to the beach
6. want to swim and run
7. 1800 calorie diet (which is failing lol)
8. A's are ending soon!
9. Desktop TD
10. Dec Camp! :)

Well that sums up the current thoughts :)

2007-11-16T19:29:00.000-08:00

Learning from experiences everytime we stumble. That's the only way we can improve right?
(: I guess failures are not always bad coz there always this little voice telling me that next time this happens this is not one route i wanna take. every step to wards You counts!

nothing in this world is as beautiful as You.

The swim at Jx's house was wonderfully enjoyable and fun:) Nothing like the physical exertion of lapping in the pool then plopping ourselves in a Jacuzzi. Just wanna dedicate this post to Jx for always being a great friend despite all my flaws >< which definitely frustrates. A big THANKYOU! :D

ESS today and VISITORS :D looking forward to it! I haven't had this feeling in a long time being free (or slightly more free) from the exams! Just a bit more space to breathe and think of what i wanna do.

I think for once in my life i have a dream that is larger than usual which makes me a bit excited but at the same time, i've been wondering of the feasibility. I guess somehow it'll work out, somehow i'll be able to get there only if you'll will me to :) Not my will but yours be done.

The fraility of relationships. Even in a family or a marriage. The thought is pretty saddening.
Pray, pray and pray. For prayer is the channel where mountains are moved and hearts are restored.

I guess somethings never change, you are one of those things.

The haphazard nature of my posts are just my way of summarising a day of thoughts and happenings. But that's just me :)

You capture my heart with this love.
Cale :)

2007-11-14T04:29:00.000-08:00

The sinking feeling in my heart.
Complacency.
Pain.
Move on.

HOPE is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;	5
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I ’ve heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;	10
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

Never has He asked a thing from me.
Just wanna trust in you.
Coz you were my hope, the one who never stopped comforting, the one who never stopped whispering.

Cale

2007-11-13T07:54:00.000-08:00

God does not call the Qualified....

He Qulifies the called.

2007-11-11T07:01:00.001-08:00

give thanks with a grateful heart
give thanks to the holy one,
give thanks for he has given,
Jesus Christ His son.

Now let the weak say, " I am strong"
Let the poor say, " I am rich"
Because of what the Lord has done for us.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
More of You, less of me.

The morning sun gives new life,
the glittering stars make a path at night,
a tapestry of a thousand strands,
simply by a maker's hand.

A God that guides my hand, a God that sees my laughter, my tears, my embarassment, my sorrows, my hopes, my fears, my nervousness, my blushes, my sins, my flaws, my pains, my comforts, my prayers, my wants and my needs. That is the God who loves me for a reason that i cannot fathom but loves me all the same. All i can remember are the verses of this song to describe this feeling...

You are new every morning,
New every morning.
Great is thy faithfulness oh Lord,
Great is thy faithfulness :).

I thank you for this day with a company that indispensible, an odd combination and a motley band of people like your people always are, but you made the best out of everything :) Against all hope i hope, that in big problems come big miracles. I'm definitely not prepared for the week ahead. But may you guide my hand, may what i've done be a tool for you to guide this hand. I just trust simply and joyfully in you. For there is nothing like facing challenges with joy.

Out of the comfort zone. But with the joy of my heart burning.
I thank you and love you. :)

Cale.

2007-11-10T19:34:00.000-08:00

Big problem, big miracle.
Those were the four words that shone on my note book today.
They stood out like giants around clusters of other words staring back at me after i've scribbled them down.
I looked and smiled.

Econs is next wk x.x, all the work up to now, counts to this moment. I still dunno if i have it in me, but damn straight am i going to try for that elusive A, even tho the notion of passing has eluded me totally in my hwachong life. :) The Duchess and Guide must be smirking at me now, not starting on them earlier is taking a toll on me, i'm sure they won't mind if i don't join either of their respective plights :P

Eureka 7. Go look it up if you have the time :)

Ironies happen so often in our lives that when i look at Raju, his life doesn't seem too far fetched.

All in your hands
just to have faith in you :)
Cale

2007-11-08T06:30:00.000-08:00

The simple God-sent joys.
Thank you all for making today so simple, enjoyable and laughter filled :)
Even though i crashed study grp :P
The first time i ate thai express!

my ipod nearly died on me today!
I reached home and i couldn't turn it on x.x
I tried resetting it by trying to hold the menu and center button with one thumb
I tried plugging it into my comp
it didn't work
then i prayed and its ALIVE! HAHAHA!
I just thank God that i saw the site which said press the menu and center button together and i tried it with two thumbs :P

I visited Raju today at Malgudi and this time it wasn't just a story. I realised how well human emotions were deeply etched and depicted as the story progressed, when the story was slowly narrated more and more by Raju in his obsessive trance for Rosie. But the most powerful thing of the novel is that it depicted so powerfully the emotions of pride, of obsession so subtlely and showed the vunerability of man to the things around him. It struck me and left me pondering.

The Guide wasn't just another text after all.

2007-11-07T19:39:00.000-08:00

5 papers left and counting.

We're nearly half done and the Awful A's is going to climax pretty soon next week. Oh well.

But College life is coming to an end too. No more wings or benches, no more rooftops or library, no more mass festivals and crazy school life, a pretty emo thought after 2 years in a school where unforgettable memories were forged :)

Its scary to think that i've lost what i've learnt in the past 1 year in a mere span of 3 months. Now i've got to find it all back. Pick up the pieces and move on.

Just wanna trust in You.

2007-11-03T07:05:00.000-07:00

I'm really absent minded. If you know me, i'm the most absent minded idiot in the whole world. I lost another ez link card today sigh... but well... i'll have a fair chance to start being organised soon. Once i dump all my worksheets :)

The feelings i once felt. The questions that once were asked. The thoughts that flashed by. Why did i go into a period where did the desire burn out? Isn't this precisely the thing that i wanted to do? Isn't this where i want to head? I know now and there's no time to lose.

God, help me step towards the thing that i fear most, and step away from the thing that i fear to become the most. I trust solely in You alone.

Jesus loves you
<3 Cale :)

2007-11-02T08:12:00.000-07:00

it is in the toughest times that people turn away from their faith but where to?

2007-11-01T05:30:00.000-07:00

" When our people have understood it, they will only have understood it if they know the claim is exclusive. There is no compromise. We have to say it lovingly, we have to say it gently but truth by definition cannot include everything if it includes everything, there no such thing as falsehood. If there's no such thing as falsehood, there no such thing as truth."
- Quote R.Zacharias

The nature of exclusivity is natural to truth. If there is a grey area, then how can truth be powerful or be called a truth? Where is the value of truth?

He who is molded is bent against his will and his comfort, stretching and straining but never breaking. That is how transformation takes place. When a piece of metal is molded, it is dipped in a furnace of flames a few thousand degrees Celsius, so that it softens to be molded. A piece of clay has to be spun hundreds of rounds for a potter who has to spend hours labouring on it to mold it into a shape that is pleasing to the eye. It is the inevitable part of change.

Change definitely may not always be good, but change gives you the option of being better. But eventually the options are placed before you, do you make the right decision or the decision you desire?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Study session today with Jx and Lee yang was fun :) We were rather productive and it felt simply comfortable and peaceful! a big thank you to my study partners! :)

math in one day. I dunno whether to be worried or excited. All the work that has been poured into saving my math in 3 months, i hope that it'll pay off. :)

All my worries have more or less been cleared up, living more joyful days despite the onset of A's, despite the screw-ups yet there's calm, i just wanna thank God for all these simple things that He has granted me and blessed me with :).

Thank you for being faithful even when i've failed and really reminding me that in the most difficult of times, there is always someone who i can complain and talk to.

Just 24 more days away to freedom.

Cale.

2007-10-30T05:13:00.000-07:00

I have been deprived of peace;
I have forgotten what prosperity is.

So I say, "My splendor is gone
and all that I had hoped from the LORD."

I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.

I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.

Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."

The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;

it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.

It is good for a man to bear the yoke
while he is young.

Let him sit alone in silence,
for the LORD has laid it on him.

Let him bury his face in the dust—
there may yet be hope.

- Lamentations 3:19-29

In the middle of trouble, persecution and half the world after his life, Jeremiah was tired. He just wanted to give up and seriously forget about the world. But within the whole book of Lamentations, the speck of light shone from this verse.

Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."

Because of the Lord's great love am I not consumed. Every morning i awake to love unfailing, love which is kind and patient, love which does not envy, hate or jealous, love that is persevering, always protecting, always trusting and always close to my heart. Its easy to forget the good things when your caught up in a pinch, when you can't seem to relieve yourself of the burden of the oncoming A's. But in the middle of the night, when frustration and weariness overtook me, this verse gave me hope. It reminded me of the simplicity of God's love and warmth, despite it all, He will see me through. When i doubt myself, He does not doubt me, but holds me fast against the oncoming trouble.

the Lord is good to all those who hold faith in Him.

my hope will stay alive.
Even in the midst of unpreparedness.
In the midst of the crazy mugging and lack of sleep.
I just want to stand on my feet, with His footprints before me leading the way.
I just need to keep...
Simple faith.

Jiayou to everyone taking A's, Its one month to liberation :)

Jesus loves you :)
<3 Cale

2007-10-26T09:04:00.000-07:00

A day cycle :)

Wake up-> Use comp -> mug->mug->mug-> Eat-> Mug-> eat-> PLAY BBALL!-> Mug :D

Days are getting pretty simple :) But i love the feeling of playing bball with a group of friends who you may not really know but you slowly come to know :) Its especially fun when everyone's less than competitive but just enjoying the run, the ball flying through the air, trying to erm... gai4 wayne( which is close to futile :P unless you have 4 people surrounding him :P), just feel the rush of adrenaline and forgetting about the upcoming A's for the moment :) thank You.

Wanna thank God for a great sheep and a great study partner in the form of my iPod :) with him (yes its a him!) its less lonely, more enjoyable, less distractive and purely focused mugging ahead and i wanna thank God also for the great spot on the rooftop today :P

Guobin, you are the a damn lucky guy with such great jnrs :P

its the last 5 days but everyone's hanging in there doing their best.
God just do the rest :P

Love you lots :)
Jesus loves you <3
cale

2007-10-25T08:04:00.000-07:00

What if by Nichole nordeman
What if you're right
He was just another nice guy
What if you're right
What if it's true
They say the cross will only make a fool of you
And what if it's true

What if He takes His place in history
With all the prophets and the kings
Who taught us love, and came in peace
But then the story ends
What then

*But what if you're wrong
What if there's more
What if there's hope you never dreamed of hoping for
What if you jump
Just close your eyes
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise
What if He's more than enough
What if it's love

What if you dig
Way down deeper than your simple-minded friends
What if you dig
What if you find
A thousand more unanswered questions down inside
That's all you find

What if you pick apart the logic
And begin to poke the holes
What if the crown of thorns is no more than folklore that must be told
And retold

'Cause you've been running as fast as you can
You've been looking for a place you can land
For so long
But what if you're wrong

What if you jump
Just close your eyes
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise
What if He's more than enough
What if it's love

What if it's love

What if there's a love out there that you haven't seen or heard, a love that's unrivalled, a love that calls to the soul, touches your mind and gives you hope? Won't you give it a chance?

I know i didn't regret it :)

I want to thank God for giving me time to spend with Him by taking the wrong bus out of three buses where the other 2 could've brought me to school. Although it was frustrating at first, but after that i felt really refreshed.

I wanna thank God that although i ended up late by accident, He made things work out coz someone took up my slot :)

I wanna thank God for a wonderful econs and math teacher :)

I wanna thank God for my studying partners today :)

I wanna thank God for loving me today and letting me read about what i've wanted to learn (not mug!) :P

I wanna thank God for giving me wonderful parents :)

I wanna thank God for blessing me with his prescence when things were getting tiring :)

I wanna thank God for wonderful classmates who picked me up on the way for lunch :)

I wanna thank God for working through kenny to remember where my notebook was :)

You can see i want to thank God for so many things. It doesn't stop here. There's so much more to go but i realise that everyday is blessed when you see past the difficulties and pains. Even when its lonely, when you look up, you feel a light solace in your heart. To trudge on is definitely a pain, to stumble and tire is a pain, but i stand firm that in the end, something good will happen :)

Studying has become a routine and we seem to just look forward to completing more each day. I'm not sure where i'm going. But i'm searching for my goal. I'm searching for my burden. But in my heart, i know that i want to hold one mission constant.

Let run the race and finish it.
Good and faithful servant.
jesus loves you,
<3 Cale

2007-10-21T08:50:00.000-07:00

The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever.
- Isaiah 40:8

Love is unfathomable.
It is unconditional.
It does not choose.
It does not judge.
It accepts.
It seeks to care.
It pulses to change lives.
It is our battery.
And it never fails.

Jesus loves you :)
<3 cale

2007-10-18T07:11:00.001-07:00

One thing today made me smile.
No it wasn't results.
No it wasn't a productive day of mugging.
No it wasn't because somebody did something special.

It was something so ridiculous that people would laugh at it.
It was something to small that people didn't bother or didn't have time to do it.
It was simple.
No frills.
Pure sincerity.

And guess what?
It happened just 5 minutes ago.
Out of the blue.
All in Your hands.

Thank You and thank you.
Jesus loves you.
<3 size="1">

2007-10-17T05:20:00.000-07:00

Went for a run today and found out that i was not unfit, i was a pig x.x Gah all the snacking is taking a toll, should run more often. The run was refreshing, just mindless and carefree, away from mugging and the blurness of life now.

When i run i find my head a blank which makes it comfortable, even when i try to think, its like things don't connect, and i get distracted from just running, scrambles the breathing and makes me distracted from keeping my pace.

The race of life is the same isn't it? If we just focus on one thing that we really treasure, we keep running. I'm not talking about running to a goal but simply running, to feel the wind blow by, to feel the rhythm that the body takes, the strain on your muscles and the unyielding call of your mind to give up. When you stop, the lack of air and burning lungs just come as a unique pain which saps your will away from continue running the race.

Everything in life is a choice and the determination in that choice.
God, help me make the best one. :)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I realise that i've been more muddleheaded that i already am these days. I asked 3 different people what day it was today. And i mixed up my tuition days. I really need to sort things out x.x

2007-10-16T06:55:00.000-07:00

This is the 300th post...:)

Sometimes you just wonder if things could be solved if both parties could simply come together to be truthful to one another. If things could just be thrashed out with a brutal honesty, perhaps a lot of hurt could be saved in the world.

But we're all fearful. Fearing to lose what we've built up, fearing to lose the status quo, fearing and fearing. Everytime a word leaves the mouth, it is a responsibility that is applied to your character. The world doesn't let up. People don't let up.

Imperfection. Sometimes we forget of all the imperfections that we have and think we are king of the world, especially when we're distracted from what we're to achieve, esp when we think that we're better. But on this earth is there, "better", "smarter" or "cleverer"? Everyone is made with their own perfections and imperfections. Fools are made through pride.

Unfortunately, i'm quite a lost fool so many times in life.
But i'm glad that i have a chance to see it.
And i have a chance to change it.
And i hope i have people behind me to change it.
Most importantly, i have my God to hold me and love me through it.

I've noticed one thing these past few days,
that there's nothing more heart warming that a person telling you simply that...
Jesus loves you.
<3 Cale

2007-10-14T08:14:00.000-07:00

Recently, i've been hearing the phrase, " A's don't mean much to me." or somewhere along that line.

After some much needed thought ( while studying :)), I've come to a conclusion.

A's do mean something to me.
I want to honour God through them.
I want to show that in Him, and in His grace, he has brought me through :)
Even though, yes its true that God accepts our best efforts and whatever grades we get,
but shouldn't we be the ones aiming?

God, i want to honour you with my studies.
I want to give you my very best.
I definitely want to do well for A's :)
I don't want to regret.
I want to focus on you in this period.
No matter what has happened so far,
You are my saviour, redeemer and my Father who ruffles my hair when i'm feeling lonely :)

Just want to love you till i am bogay and botak :)
No place but in your prescence :)

2007-10-12T08:59:00.000-07:00

Grad day came and went, time flies and blurs as our post prelims are speedily speeding away like road runner on steroids. Just a mere 18 days to the Awful A's but the bonus of it all is looking at the freedom at the end of the road.

Grad day was nostalgic and inevitably filled with a twinge of the sorrow of parting. But in a sense we haven't parted so the atmosphere was somehow lighter. Watching the class video brought back memories. How we fought to stay together, the various divides and the eventual unity, FOS which yielded a self made medal :P and a new spirit to stay strong together, saying goodbye to a dear friend, simply standing by each other as we go through tough times. 06A13 its been a good two years :). Feelings go beyond words at times. And this is one of those moments.
We had our differences. We had our oddities. But we're a class of 07 of Ares of A13.

I know You placed me here for a reason or reasons. Some are obvious, others are not so. But eventually, you turned my life around by placing these wonderful people around me :)

I tend to forget my basics very easily. Mary more so than Martha. God first loved for us to love, a simple fact which we often forget. To learn to love another for who he and she truly is, can we truly do it? On a level its difficult to take the step to say you want to do it. On another level its even harder to love because your won human adversion is in place. I'm not the best person to love. I let down people, i fail, i fall, i succumb to thoughts and emotions, its all true. But yet against all hope, i know that i have hope in God :P, sound familiar? Faith is not simply knowing God and trusting in God when you are going through good and bad times. I learnt that faith is also the confidence in God and your heart for Him. The tests that come your way may seem unexplainable or too difficult to overcome, so much so that self doubt and various emotions cover up your heart, but eventually and always eventually, you see past it. Sometimes you may not drop it, but you come to accept and see the fruits of your labour. Its always easier to talk and not do, but its a few levels more difficult without identifying a problem.

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

- I corinthins 13.

Love is not self-seeking. It is not about me but about you or someone else. Love never expects something in return, not even when you've given every fibre of your being into doing something out of love. I admit that it is crazily difficult to resist the thoughts going through your head because you automatically expect someone to sacrifice a little for you as well, but when it doesn't come you are left hanging. Love is not self-seeking, how far can I go?

have you topped up your love bank today?
for i may gain the treasures of the world or wisdom to destroy or create, But without the capacity for love, we gain nothing.

Too many excuses, too many expectations, too easily affected, too enraptured in the wrong things. But every flaw makes me human. Every flaw gives me a chance to walk a new path with my Saviour :)

To lead the weak you must become weak. What does it mean to you?

2007-10-08T08:11:00.000-07:00

I draw nearer to you my God,
with boldness i approach your throne.
Where grace like a river flows.
I bring praises to you my God,
Sufficient one my more than enough,
more Lord,
I ask for more lord,
just more of You.

Peter constantly asked for more.
He was the only one in the boat who said, " Lord, if you will, may i walk on water with you?"
he was the one who was the first one to scream, " Me Me!"
But he was that very same one who denied Jesus thrice when He died on the cross.
He regretted.
He was guilty.
He was tortured by his conscience.
What could he do?
Live on in His name and seek more of Him.
He never gave up.
Neither did God.

2007-10-05T18:27:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when you doubt and you wonder, why not just look back?

I just slept 10 and a half hours.

Its saturday!

help me and touch me today

2007-10-04T04:41:00.000-07:00

Joy is simple and a little warm spark.
They say every cloud has a silver lining.
But if you have joy, forget the cloud coz your staring at the sun.

" Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength."
- Nehemiah 8:10b

The joy of the Lord is your strength.
Not the complaints, not all the "why me"s, not the whining,
but the joy of the Lord is your strength.
Picking up the simple joys of solving a maths question( LOL i haven't reached that state yet but on my way), walking to the bus stop and enjoying a bit of the breeze, and just savouring time away from mugging.
Those are some of my little joys now.
My complaints are dragging out and i think i should start leaving them behind before they come back to haunt me.

I'm really quite excited for caregroup next week :)

Jiayou all the J2s reading this and stay joyful.
Because the joy of the Lord is your strength :)

2007-10-02T07:32:00.000-07:00

Nausea what a horrible feeling x.x

I realised that i haven't slept properly in the past few days because...
1. I fall asleep while doing homework
2. i fall asleep while playing the guitar
3. Your time table reads you have lessons from 11-5
4. Your brain and crunching in OA +AP = OP but your projection vector is (5,3,2) and you are crossing your next step, even when your on the bus home.
5. You crash while solving it on the bus.
6. you wake up exhausted, reach home and crash again.
7. you wake up bathe then feel like your head is about to burst.

The Awful A's are coming but i must say studying well, probably isn't the worst part of it :P
It probably rather satisfying once in a while. :) I need to run. Like soon. Like maybe tmr. Like I NEED IT :)

Got my best grades in HC so far. BCDSU. must say it doesn't look fantastic but it'll work out, at least i hope. 4A's are a luxury indeed. Hope i get to somewhere decent :)

I wrote down all my promises today! I hope your there watching them!!!! I'm quite excited but at the same time worried about them. Oh wells, i'm looking forward to the journey :)

And i'll stand,
with arms high and heart abandoned

2007-10-01T06:33:00.000-07:00

8-5. Some crazy day.

Geog results were surprisingly a lot better than expected. But looking at the cohort i've got tons to do.

There's just too much to do nowadays, everyone's just mugging and mugging and mugging. I guess time's a little dilated to me at times, that before you know it night is here. But i just found a little bit of freedom conking out on the bus, just thinking.

It really feels comfortable, just peacefully telling someone something without having to worry about anything.

Its easy to notice a lot of things in people around us. Its even easier to keep pointing them out or declaring it to the whole world. But its a lot harder to go headlong in to change it. Ironically, the hard way is the only way that matters in changing it.

Distracted. Disturbed sleep. Hope it'll end soon!

poke poke. Thanks heavenly Daddy :)

2007-09-27T04:34:00.000-07:00

2 down, 2 to go.

I'm ashamed of myself for letting go.

Only got to look forward.
Only gotta look forward.
Only gotta look forward.
Only gotta look forward.

Let the rain come and the rainbow shine tmr.

2007-09-26T04:47:00.000-07:00

I am a Peter.

2007-09-24T09:22:00.000-07:00

If you can't feed many, feed one.
- Mother Theresa

2007-09-22T21:51:00.001-07:00

The absence of everything.
The toil for nothing.
Time to make up something for nothing. X)

2007-09-22T10:54:00.000-07:00

I still remember the time i tore a page in a book and when my aunt asked who did it, i didn't own up but shut up. That was quite a few years ago :P

But similar to human nature, maybe as a defensive mechanism, we're always first to deny what we've done despite the nagging guilt in our heart. Taking responsibility, that heavy mantle in exchange of the " not my problem"s, the "it could be him what"s, the "its all their fault"s. But what was said today is true. He who takes responsibility is always one step closer to success, one step away from continued lying, one step away from feeling the dark, heavy covering of guilt. Yet it is so difficult for many of us to simply step out and say, " Sorry i did it. Its my fault." Instead we try to find reasons for our mistakes. I no doubt am as human, maybe more human like everyone else.
Doesn't that challenge ring out to you?

I felt the challenge landing squarely on my shoulders today, for more reasons than responsibility. For the reason of a voice which gave me a message of what was to come and me seeing it come to pass, well, it doesn't shock me but the essence of the message sobered me. We cannot live for the moment everyday of our lives. One day we've gotta decide that yeah its time to do something with this life. The words ring in my mind. Although honestly it scares me, but i know what i want to do about it. Thank God for planting the first question squarely in my mind for days. Who am I? :) Well its an interesting question with an interesting answer :)

I feel accomplished to some extent covering a math prelim paper today!!! HAHA never thought mugging could feel this good without a test looming up. In a sense, mugging gives me time to think alone too. Its odd that i take long periods of time to think rather than do it in small slots a day. I just think its a quirk of mine :)

Friendship & trust.
Where do your barriers and links lie?

I think i may have found something that i've been looking for.
Maybe some part of it.
But its quite beautiful :)

Live everyday a joy.

2007-09-21T10:17:00.000-07:00

- 1 John 3:9
" No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God's seed remains in him; he cannot go on sinning, because he has been born of God"

We are always able, although sometimes or rather most of the time we fail because of our inadequacy. But it is this verse which gives the ultimate encouragement. Even if we fail in pride, anger,sin,malice, lust, envy or greed, if we have the heart to change and we hope in Him, we are still able if we focus and put our hope there.

It touched me greatly today for reasons abounding, the mistakes i've made as a person and still am making :P are of multitudes. But i take comfort that someday i'll be able to overcome if i have the will to. It all lies to my own will. Oh boy.... hahahha its gonna be a tough challenge :)

2007-09-21T08:20:00.000-07:00

Its been proven that it works all the time.
When you are down and out, there is only one thing playing in your head as the base chord.
" I trust in the Lord."

Spent most of my day walking around, sitting down and singing by myself, looking awfully antisocial but i'm sorry i just needed a lot of time by myself. Post-prelims for many may feel like a release, but for a reason not known, i felt like something sunk within me. But as always, the Solution to life works and will always work that i have faith :)

You know the random times when a melody pops into your head and you just can't help by humming and singing along? :) I love that feeling. That's why i sing out aloud and annoy everyone with my awful voice :P But i just love singing, when your voice and ringing out esp in praise, its just you, the music and the one your singing to. The feeling is just totally peaceful, i don't know why but its my silent solace. So now you know that i'm a bathroom singer :P well not so much in the bathroom.

i swear Jiexun's guitar bag weighs more than the guitar! :P

Jiayou J1s for promos!! I sorta miss promos come to think of it :P

CG was great :)
God is even greater.
When all else fails, dun call mastercard :P

2007-09-20T19:24:00.000-07:00

After continuously forcing myself to sleep for around 9 hours, i woke up feeling a little bit better ( with no less help from a lil someone who i talked to in the depths of the night :)).

When a tidal wave hits you what do you do?
You stand against it and feel the agony or get swept away and lose everything that you've received so far.

I'd rather feel the pain.

2007-09-19T09:15:00.000-07:00

Emotions are flimsy things.
One moment they are up, one moment they are down.
But yet they are powerful things.
One moment your smiling, the next your nearly taking apart someone limb for limb.

Knock, knock. Who is in charge you or your emotions?

Nah, my boss is someone else.

Somehow these few days, i've become more desensitised than ever. Its not simply about anything, just desensitised to whatever i'm trying to do. The feeling is weird.

But all i can do is trudge on and say

I will trust in You

Because i know it works everytime no matter whether i understand it or not,
you walk where i have never gone before.
And i eagerly anticipate the next step you leave behind for me.
Hold out for me and never let me go,
I will be there right behind you :)

2007-09-18T08:39:00.000-07:00

Brings a smile to my face.

Who hears my cry?
Who hears my pain?
Who hears my childish grumbles of disdain?
He who hears is the one who sees my heart more than the things i do.
Which is why i simply just want to thank You.
ESPECIALLY for every single one of them.

A little calm and peace...

2007-09-18T05:55:00.000-07:00

The beginning of faith is the end of fear. The beginning of fear is the end of faith. - Anonymous

I've found my answer.

2007-09-17T10:47:00.000-07:00

1. Fear. What does it mean to you?
It comes in so many forms and grips you in ways conscious and unconscious.
It affects the way you act, the things you say and the way you live your life.
No one is truly free of fear.
But everyone has a weapon to combat fear.

2. Wisdom is not spoken but heard.
Often it is not the mouth which gives wisdom,
but it is how much you listen that determines wisdom.

3. Consistency is the persistence of following one set of values or rules.
Often easily spoken, never easily done.
I know who i want to follow. Do you?

Now you know how i've been spending those times in between ploughing through notes and stoning. It really isn't the time but as i do those walks home with God, i unconsciously ask myself questions which i often cannot answer. But its not a bad thing, because i think it comforts me that i am aware of those things that i cannot do. All the more i rely on His plans because i clearly know that i'm not good, i'm not owning, i'm not superman, i'm just me not someone else. Haha sounds so philosophical but its really just a small lil epiphanic realization that i've managed to come to through all the days of just quietly thinking.

I didn't regret one bit for losing out on revision for Geog to go for JUMP today. I wish all the historians and physicists good luck for tmr!!! :) But it ended up with Me, Leon and Melvin going all the way to Redhill for the praise concert which concluded two days of seminar which of course we couldn't attend :P

I think the greatest thing i noticed of the visiting Thai worship team was their irrevocable joy and true blue energy in simply praising and putting their heart into it. The long awkward lyrics at times didn't matter. Their limited proficiency in english didn't impair them either. The most powerful thing was that they continued spurring people on with them that yielded smiles on our faces. They were charismatic and nonetheless impressive and there's so much so much to learn from their attitude to worship leading. :) Truly kudos to them.

I enjoyed myself simply placing myself in the middle of the atmosphere of peace and a sort of comfort with the air buzzing with excitement at times, pensieve at others. It gave me time to truly immerse myself in something different than what i've been going through. I really needed it, to recharge and find myself again in it all and i'd say that i've gotten back part of something i've been looking for.

Just singing with all my heart. Hearing the words come from my mouth. Stopping. Hearing the mass of voices which join in unison. The words. Who knew that when a crowd sang, it doesn't really matter whether you sing well or not, it sounds beautiful because it is like a wave moving together. A united voice, united in one body.

I've fallen again, help me find my step again.

I miss A13.

Can't wait for prelims to end.

Just waiting on You :)

2007-09-13T06:12:00.000-07:00

I will trust in You

When the days are blue,
I look to you and you are always with me.
Even when they say i'm through,
I will trust in You.

When I'm jaded and dry,
your love is always in my heart,
In the many storms in my life,
God, I'll sing my praise to you
( I'll sing my praise to you)

Chorus
Lord, I'll trust in you
all the days of my life,
from the depths of my soul.
Putting all my faith in you,
Praise you through the storms,
I will trust in You

Bridge
I remember the times you weren't with me,
The times i fell all alone.
But you came to be here with me,
to save me
and set me free
( So I'll sing....)

Lord, I'll trust in You,
all the days of my life,
From the depths of my soul.
Putting all my faith in You,
Praise you through the storms
I will trust in You
I will trust in You
I will trust in
You. :)

What is youth to you? Does age make you jaded?

But if only the rain would fall,
and the sky we have not seen so long
come blue again.

The regrets of age, poignant and shimmering. Resonance of poems, lit paper wasn't so bad... at least it gave me some thought.

I will trust in You. All the days of my life and maybe i won't ask for the sky to come blue again coz it shimmers more and more everyday with your love and the work of your hand.